Alienating Allah

I have seen some bad movies, but none so horrid that I wanted to kill the director.

Not even Woody Allen.

It may have caught your attention that gaggles of enraged Muslims executed a U.S. ambassador plus a few other folks, and continue rioting around the world. Their current fit of pique was provoked by a laughably low-budget film that critiques Islam and takes a swipe or three at Muhammad (no, not the fellow who drives the taxi that takes me to the airport … the other and slightly more famous Muhammad). No person of sound mental condition could take this film seriously, so the expressed outrage – murder, building burning, goat molesting – must be over the film’s lousy directing, ham acting, Pythonesque costumes and drunken cinematography.

Personally, I laughed out loud. The only harm caused was to the cat on who I accidentally spilled hot coffee.

“Death to America!” shouted one of the highly agitated goat boinkers. This seems to be a highly misguided suggestion given that evolving information cites the film’s director as a transplanted Coptic Christian from (wait for it …) the Middle East, a place where Christians in general and Coptics in particular are harassed even more than goats.

If one manages to wade through this cinematic waste of bandwidth, we see comic insult without the benefit of comedy. It is mocking in its bluntness and hilarious in its utter artistic ineptitude. It paints Muhammad as an opportunistic shaman who composed the Koran as an improv exercise. It crudely suggests much crude behavior and does so using a handsome actor, now likely in hiding, to play the prophet.

It does what South park has done to Christianity, Judaism, Scientology, Mormonism and Buddhism (that last one is a guess … I tossed my TVs in the trash a couple of years back).

Herein lay one disturbing aspect of fundamentalism. Each of the major western religions relates several of the same suggestions. Gawd is all powerful, Allah talks to people, and its Yahweh or the highway. Yet most fundamentalist insist on being The Almighty’s strongman, the Spector’s spokesperson and the Lord’s lawyer.

Perhaps I missed a nuance or three, but a non-reclusive almighty doesn’t need assistance.

Such fundamentalism as is on display today by inhabitants of Afghanistan, Indonesia, Egypt, Libya and other uninhabitable places. People without indoor plumbing are committing destructive acts to save their immortal deity from mortal snubs, despite an absence of any spoken request from said supernatural. This has caused the early exit of people who have done no obvious harm and may have been helping to build a better third world.

No good turn will go unstoned.

Such rampages are demonstrably insane on several tangents. First, violent retribution on behalf of an entity who allegedly can destroy entire galaxies is categorically cuckoo. If, as theorized, Gawd is omniscient, then any thought she might have on the topic of human interaction would be so complex that it would puree a prophet’s pate. This makes prophets poor pundits and their followers agitated theological aberrations. Combining these two doses of daftness causes some folks to believe they are doing divine duty by dealing death.

Herein lay Islam’s limitation. As long as anyone thinks they might die for silly scriptural infractions, they would prefer self-perseveration via prevention. By calling for “death to America” over the actions of an un-American director (and I’m not currently speaking of Michael Moore, though this cross-connected thought has appeal) they merely activate drowsing intelligence operatives and cause war planning analysis groups to update their scenarios. Any idiot who does evil while egotistically fronting for their Gawd earns resentment and a padded cell, most likely the three by six foot pine version.

If you can’t laugh at your Gawd you better pray that he has a better sense of humor than you.


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