Cowboy Confessional

Everyone has the right to be stupid.  Unfortunately some people abuse the privilege.

Take the two cases of Jennifer Keeton and Julea Ward, who independently have (il)logical or religious problems with homosexuals.  Both are or were students in public universities (Augusta State and Eastern Michigan respectively) in graduate programs for counseling.  Both women – who are attractive enough to convert Castro District regulars – had the poor judgment to publicly discuss what they thought.

Keeton believes homosexuality is a personal choice and lifestyle but not a “state of being.”  The two are not mutually exclusive.  Some homo sapiens are clearly hardwired from birth to prefer people with similar plumbing.  Others have no particular preference, and choose through trial and Eros.  Keeton sees only one of the two alternatives, which means she suffers from intellectual myopia.

Ward is worse in believing that homosexuality is morally wrong.  One dictionary defines morality as “conformity to the rules of right conduct.”  In an allegedly free society like America, “right conduct” is theoretical.  The People have clearly said that as long as one’s behavior does not purposefully or negligently harm someone else, there is no “wrong” conduct (granted our laws often violate this principle, but that is why The People prefer physically violating their elected officials).  Ward’s assessment is based on her own perception of “right conduct”, which she is free to inscribe on the inside of whatever woman’s thigh she wishes to lick.

Or not.  It is allegedly a free country.

What makes their cases problematic is that they are being tossed out of college onto their perky little heterosexual keisters.  In statements sounding Soviet, the administrators of Augusta State have asked that Keeton be indoctrinated.  A District Judge upheld Ward’s prior dismissal for declining to guide gays and deliberate with dykes.  Keeton was told she had to attend a “remediation program”, which is academic literary effluvium for “reeducation camp” and an attempt to force a fellow human to think what she doesn’t.  With Ward, she was ousted for refusing to counsel people pertaining to matters that she personally opposed based on her religious beliefs.

Who is a girl going to abide by – her God or her government.  Well, God does have seniority.

Several collisions between individual rights are at play here.  People have the right to believe what they like, and no government has the right to force them to believe otherwise.  Consumers have the right to spend their money as they see fit, including taxpayers forced to lob lucre into state colleges.  People have the right of association, which includes the right from association, and thus cannot be compelled to counsel anyone they dislike for whatever inane reasons they may have for disliking them.  Being taxpayers themselves, Keeton and Ward have equal access rights to public universities, and morality codices – be they the student’s or the public’s as reflected through government schools – cannot keep them from access.  Equal access to taxpayer funded counseling services are also extended to taxpaying lumber dykes and butt pirates.

Solomon couldn’t solve this dispute.

Unsurprisingly the correct solution is the most difficult, untenable and unpolitical of them all.  Eliminating government universities solves the whole mess rather nicely.  Keeton and Ward could wonder off to whatever educational institutes of parochial paranoia they prefer, obtain degrees with their own capital, and in their subsequent careers commit whatever malpractice they prefer.  Taxpayers would then be unburdened and could invest directly into the university, curriculum and state of (un)consciousness they conceive.  Everyone can be made happy by cutting government out of the equation.

Which is why it won’t happen in my lifetime.  Government, the original virus, tends to grow, mutate and infect until the host dies or some powerful antibody (a.k.a. revolution) occurs.  Americans have failed to contain the pathogen called government, and thus we must suffer the disease until death or a butt full of armed antiseptics is administered.

A Mexican stand-off (ooops, sorry, an undocumented stand-off) remains.  Freedom of thought must be preserved and thus all attempts by government to force conformity must be eradicated.  Keeton and Ward cannot be dismissed from their equal access/opportunity educational path because they think wrong (and there are only three crimes in the word – the crime of being stupid, the crime of thinking wrong, and the crime of driving with your head up your rump).  Government cannot keep these women from university programs on “thinking wrong” grounds, nor can Mao-like reeducation camps become a substitute for reasoned or unreasonable disagreement.  Government caused this problem by getting into the higher education business, and more government is the worst possible solution.

Ostracization however is always effective.

Nobody can be compelled to associate.  You cannot be forced to like someone else or say a civil word to them.  Shame is an underused tool in modern society, and one that would be very applicable here.  Living in San Francisco I have numerous friends and acquaintances who are members in good standing of the Church of the Carpet Chewer or the Sausage Factory Synagogue.  Can’t say I find a dimes worth of difference between a diesel dyke and a truck drivin’ man, except that the dyke might have more chin stubble.  Homos are people with preferences (and I even share some preferences with lesbians).  It is impossible for anyone who has spent significant time around the other clans to see them as immoral, living a “lifestyle” instead of possessing pre-existing preferences, or unworthy of counseling.  Doing so would be stupid.

Stupid people we mock.  Shame them for willful ignorance.  Deride their lack of insight, empathy and intelligence.  So let Keeton and Ward keep their educational opportunity while we individually marginalize their very existence.  Let’s assure that their social isolation is so profound they will need counseling themselves.

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Of course women are smarter than men.  They have to be.  The deck is stacked against them from birth, so they have to be smart to survive.

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People are people except when they are animals.

Even Pakistani people.

I’m not going to pick on Pakistan or Pakistanis, or Polacks, or Peruvians, or Pennsylvanians (though that last group deserves scrutiny … Steelers fans often demonstrate psychotic tendencies).  Yet when a brand is violated by those who own a brand – such as when Apple iPhones flake – then some good natured rib jabbing is in order.

But please don’t jab Steve Jobs’ ribs.  You might hit the reset button on his second hand liver.

Pakistan is one of those oddball countries who think mixing religion and politics is wise, a position that survivors of the Inquisition will vigorously debate.  Thus the edicts, ethos and etiquette of the religion are codified in law and conspicuously practiced by the population. Sect dissimilarities aside, certain things are frowned upon and others are promoted.  Like every religion, Islam tends to amplify its good points and play down its lunatic preachers (seriously, there isn’t a dimes’ worth of difference between Jeremiah Wright and Ayman al Zawahiri).  Islam and Christianity share common roots, and among other things frowns upon evils like incest and lite beer.

Interesting then is the fact that Pakistanis are ape over donkey sex.

Google lets people drill into Google tracking data.  Google Trends allows any person perform interesting drill-downs, including such things as discovering that Pakistan has achieved the highest per capita search rate for “horse sex” for six years running and “child sex” for almost as long.  They are also especially interested in rape and extracting revenge from dogs that hump their legs by humping them back. And, yes, “camel sex” is also popular, though there is no indication if Pakistanis prefer one hump or two.

Drawing a cartoon of Muhammad could get you stoned in Islamabad, though not in the pleasant sense, yet searching for and consuming child rape videos are raging pastimes.

Granted, you find sheep shaggers in every country (rumor is that Scotsmen wear kilts because sheep can hear a zipper from 50 yards).  Virginia residents think every vertical male in West Virginia has intimate knowledge of the reproductive regions of a sow.  And rumors of what Kiwis do on wool farms is legendary.  Yet in a land where Islamic virtue is law, it seems that animal husbandry is a very real concept.  This is the side effect of parochial polygamist societies – the bachelors don’t have single women or even infected hookers with which to do the dirty.

And forget about boinking other men – that could cause neck pains.

Pakistan’s recreational extreme porno habit raises the question why Pakistan has not cracked down.  Being a country with an autocratic government in a state of perpetual paranoia about India, their Internet hubs have been under control and surveillance since shortly after copper wire appeared inside their borders.  It is doubtful that authorities there are unaware of Pakistani peccadilloes, though we have to concede that maybe all these unseemly searches come from Pakistani government offices (your foreign aide dollars at work).  So Pakistan is tolerating, and perhaps even endorsing dalmatian diddling, camel copulating, filly fornication and bambino boinking.

Maybe because it is sanctified by Islam.

Granted, I am no Islamic scholar.  All religions are null programs, and anybody who seriously thinks they speak for Gawd started the day by chewing through their restraints.  Yet it appears that certain sexual intersections that would put you on Texas’ death row are openly permitted in Islam.  Muhammad himself had a bride so youthful that even Brigham Young (a.k.a. Bring’em Young) blinked.  Ayatollah Khomeini, the man who turned a secular Iran into the golden palace/shower that it is today wrote that frolicking with farm animals was alright providing you killed them afterwards.  Not only does this prevent tainted meat from entering commerce, it also gets rid of the witnesses.

Unless your kid/wife was watching.

So perhaps Pakistan’s proclivities are proper.  If the state religion permits pedophilia and heavy pet petting, then perhaps the Pakistan censors who shut down access to Facebook merely saw nothing unusual when Abdul accessed ass ass and Gabir Googled goats.  Perhaps Pakistani authorities thought these were perfectly natural unnatural acts, though porking Porky is certainly a sin.

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Tom Lehrer, one of the funniest men to ever croak out a tune, allegedly gave up the parody songwriting business because reality became goofier than anything he could author.  Had something to do with Henry Kissinger winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  Tom is still with us, and must be cross-eyed over Barack Obama winning the same piece of costume jewelry.

Some people don’t understand parody because they can’t see irony, even when it is about to kick them in their political crotch.  Such is the case of the new One Nation consortium of organizations with stated goals of transferring U.S. land to Mexico, extending tenure to all government employees, and a former civil rights group (NAACP by name, and lest you believe they still stand for civil right, just look at their amicus briefs in the Heller gun rights case).

My buddy Chris Muir – the brain behind Day by Day Cartoon and the first man since Robert Heinlein to consistently celebrate strong women in his art – demonstrated today one irony the left simply didn’t get, namely that their chosen name opposes what they stand for, not to mention it may be in copyright violation of a Muslim American organization (which if Gawd is in a good sense of humor will ignite a jihad against the upstart One Nation squad).  Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer is becoming the slogan for the American political left.

By the way, drop by Day by Day and drop a few quid on Chris during his fundraising week.  Keep his assaults on The Man coming (yep, Obama is officially The Man).

The genius of America was egalitarianism (with the exception of that nasty slavery habit we had once had).  Everyone from your bartender down to the President was an equal.  As such, we tended to work together reasonably well.  It wasn’t until the federal government institutionalized organized theft that groups initiated open combat.  After all, when your neighbor has his hand in your pocket you have to counterattack (unless you live here in San Francisco, in which case it may be more of an invitation than a taking).

Each group in the One Nation cabal is, by mission statement or action, divisive.  The Center for Community Change is arguably racist and pushes for socialized healthcare.  The United States Student Association demands your money for their tuition.  I already covered the Nation Association for Aging Communist Puppets.  And anyone who doesn’t understand the self(ish) interest and pocket picking expertise of either the Service Employees International Union or AFL-CIO probably only survives due to Union Shop law.  The positions of these organization are not those that unite a nation, and thus can never lead to forming One Nation (irony).  It is arguable that these groups are primarily responsible for the divisions we face daily – ones created by the favoritism that only federal legislation can create.

They don’t get the irony of their own existence, which explains why they seem to have no sense of humor.  Little is funnier than irony.  Well, Nancy Pelosi goose-stepping in a brown blouse past her Führer will be a bit more amusing until corrective action is taken in November.

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Can we get our money back on Eric Holder?

Like any consumer, taxpayers have a right to demand a refund if a product is defective.  Eric Holder is proving himself to have many mental design defects and as such is a completely inoperable device.  He is the Yugo of the American legal system.

Ignoring his leadership, participation in or apologies for previously demonstrated intellectual incapacity, his recent suit against Arizona ranks among the most feeble of legal constitutional law actions.  In twenty five pages of disorganized discourse, Holder managed to give lawyers a bad worse name.  Those of serious con law scholarship – which apparently excludes Obama and Holder – are struggling to regain respiration after reading Holder’s brief.

For those who fleeting moments of sanity have forced to ignore the evening news, Arizona recently enacted a law which will cause illegal aliens to be incarcerated.  AZ decided to do so because the federal government won’t.  In crafting the law, the Deep Ditch State studiously avoided redefining the definition of immigration or legal entry into the U.S.  In other words, they did not want to violate the federal governments defined role as the body that defines immigration law and policy.

Which Holder claims Arizona did.

Our legal system has the notion of preemption, which in simplified forms means if a higher level of government (and by higher I mean more elevated, not more stoned) is granted authority in one aspect of law, any decision they make overrides decisions made by lower and allegedly more sober governing bodies.  Holder rightly cites that the Constitution grants both this preemptive power and that the feds have the authority to define naturalization and immigration law.  Then again kids riding the short bus could make such a simple observation.

This is where Holder leaves the intellectual highway and tumbles into the ditch of dementia.  In his briefs he continually harps on preemption in an apparent attempt to convince somebody that Arizona law is preempting federal law (which, as noted above, is not the case).  He veers into irrelevancies like Congress allegedly having other objectives in immigration policy aside from making unauthorized immigration a crime.  Not seeing the irony, Holder notes that the “President of the United States [has] the authority to ‘take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed.’”  {Note to Eric:  He has the duty, not the authority}  If Holder is pitching this perspective to Supreme Court justices, then he runs the risk of one or all nine of them applying a gavel to his skull.  I doubt Eric is so errant as to file suit simply to convince voters of some righteous element of his bosses administration – filing frivolous law suits is for small time criminals, like John Edwards, a level so low that even Eric cannot sink to it.

This, sadly, leaves imbecility as the remaining explanation for his actions.  Eric is not lucid.  Holder is half-baked.  His faculties are deficient, his dendra defunct.  In short, Eric is unsuited and unsuitable for the job that Barack Obama gave him.  As with any useless appliance, he needs to be taken back, the money invested in him refunded, and his parts salvaged for spares.

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