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Amazon’s Asininity
February 19th, 2010It is widely considered unwise to bite feeding hands, but given the few crumbs I collect from Amazon, I doubt I’ll starve.
I was slightly surprised to receive a stack of 1099-MISC forms from various Amazon.com subsidiaries, held companies and associated oddball entities. I earn a few Amazon affiliate bucks for links on other web sites. According to my list of received deposits from last year, I earned something south of $200.
So receiving 17 separate tax documents claiming they had paid me $843,454.49 caught my attention.
Don’t get me wrong. I would gladly accept the better part of a million bucks from Bezos, and even playfully suggested such when I telephoned their accounting department. So far, no such payment has been received, though the folks at Amazon sensed my good humor and politely declined sending cash. They also report that I am not the only affiliate to receive stacks of inappropriate tax filings, though mine might be the only set with the non-existent Social Security number 999-99-9999 (click the image to see a full Monty of one of the 17 forms).
However, humor is running out.
As of the first edition of this post (2010-02-19), they have attempted twice to send a correct 1099, but have yet to use the right SSN. That is forgivable. What isn’t forgivable is that they refuse to provide a certified statement that I did not receive $843,454.49. An ineffective and I suspect otherwise dysfunctional gal named Mary Bartlett (if that is her real name) echoed in email saying “I want to assure you that none of this information has been filed with IRS.”
Sure Mary. And I want to assure you that I won’t make a deposit in your mouth.
My secret shame is that I wasted a decade working in info tech, managing big iron for some large corporations. Tax filings are as automated as everything else in our modern age, and odds are all 17 inappropriate tax reports were automatically submitted to the Feds. Odds are 17 red flags have already popped in some IRS dungeon and I am on an April 15th watch list. If my tax return doesn’t report an additional $843,454.49, an audit is in my future.
This is why I’ll likely take Amazon to court, to get a judge to enter into court records that I never landed all that lucre. I issued Amazon a deadline to do the right thing (which they should do without the benefit of legal intimidation) but doubt they have their fecal matter sufficiently gathered. Shame. I don’t want to waste my time and they don’t need to waste their money on my lawyers.
Nor do they need this negative blog PR … or talk time I’ll get on CNN, CNBC, Fox and …
UPDATE (2010-02-23): Seems the mere mention of litigation motivates people, even Amazon (or perhaps they read this blog, or the letter I sent their CEO trickled down). Regardless, 17 faxed pages were lobbed at Amazon this morning with their promise to overnight the stack back with appropriate *VOID* stamps, signatures, DNA samples and perhaps even a sacrificial virgin being laid … to rest in Seattle (though rumors of virgins in Seattle are unsubstantiated).
‘I issued Amazon a deadline to do the right thing (which they should do without the benefit of legal intimidation)’
I was recently reading about a ‘body of humanity’ – like an evolutionary phase where humans would act in co-operation rather than in competition with one another and be in effect cells in a vast collective body of humanity. In which case, with any luck, there would be no need for lawyers or tax forms.
Maybe this would take millenniums to happen, but anyway, I think being able to see the funny side of your predicament is already quite a high evolutionary achievement.
Thanks for the compliment on my alleged evolutionary advancements, though two ex-wives would like to debate your observations.