Cowboy Confessional

As an ex-cowboy living in a major metropolis, I admit to the vastness of my ignorance on all thing urban.

Urbanites should do likewise about nature.

I slid my pick-up truck into a parking lot this afternoon and came across what was to me a sight familiar. Between rows of parked cars a hawk was busily pecking away at an unhappy pigeon. As with most hungry predators, the hawk was not waiting for the pigeon to first pass away.

I stayed in my truck.

With feathers flying from each peck, and the pigeon slowly losing the strength to struggle, I knew not to disrupt this part of nature’s perpetual recycling program. The hawk was hungry, but not stupid. Left alone he would rapidly do enough damage to the former statue defacer to enable a relatively merciful exit. On the pigeon was incapacitated, I would be able to slip out of my truck while the hawk dined. If I exited early, the hawk might spook and abandoned its mortally wounded but yet alive victim to suffer an excruciating end.

The Chinese family wasn’t this well educated on the mechanics of nature.

Fascinated by slow motion carnage this pack of immigrants, mother fetching a camera from he bag, approached the hawk with inconsideration known only to tourists and other pests. The hawk arched its wings, became as threatening as it could, but eventually fled in the face of the larger and oddly vertical interloper.

The pigeon was left to die … slowly.

I thought about killing the pigeon to take it out of its misery. I thought about killing the Chinese woman to her out of my misery. Instead I waited. After many sad looks at the expiring pigeon, the immigrant family left and the hawk — who I noticed had taken perch in a nearby tree — returned and finished the job.

A note to my urban friends: Don’t interfere with nature unless you face an emergency. Gaia has worked out gaming processes quite well over many millennia. Animals do their work with necessary expediency. Stand at a respectable distance and let nature take its perpetually fatal course.

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Bail it and they will come.

Perverse it is for me to slander a charming baseball movie by co-opting its most famous line to describe a government slush fund. Yet it succinctly summarizes the currently contagious insanity in Washington, Wall Street and Detroit.

Congress coughed-up $700B of non-existent money to fund financial firms who stupidly gave home mortgages to people unqualified to buy homes. These banks provided these bad loans under a mandate from the same government now bailing them out. In other words the government forced banks into bad business practices and now has to rescue those banks. Cause, effect, cause … repeat until bankrupt.

$700B is big money to anyone not living in Dubai. Toss a chunk of change like that on the table and every mismanaged institution in America will come hat-in-hand to their elected Congress Critter, begging for a slice of Corruption Pie. First among these firms are those that government helped cripple.

The banks are not alone.

In The States we have a hodge podge of labor laws. In many districts membership to a union is mandatory which — aside from being an affront to an individual’s freedom of association — is blatantly batty. When all workers are required to be union members, unions have unnatural power. Industries are like any ecosystem, and when one species becomes too good of a predator, the ecosystem will eventually change and the predator’s food supply will vanish.

Such is the case with the old Detroit auto industry (not to be confused with the new American auto industry, composed of foreign firms that set-up shop in America but far, far away from Detroit). Ford, General Motors and Chrysler are the United Auto Worker’s (UAW) food supply, which is about to disappear. The union’s ecosystem is breaking.

In the post war years the American auto industry was a national mega power with no real competition for American car buyers. Consumers had never heard of Volkswagen, Saab, Mercedes, Honda, Nissan or Toyota. Kia and Hyundai didn’t even exist. American car makers had financial excess from a geographically protected market and the UAW engineered contracts that only a government mandated monopoly could.

This explains why congress is even considering resuscitating the rapidly declining Detroit auto maker ecosystem. The Democrat majority is well funded by the unions. The unions are well funded by non-competitive contracts thanks to legislative monopoly status. Their monopoly was created by Democrat legislation … repeat until bankrupt.

UAW workers with nothing more than a high school diploma take home paychecks and benefits four times larger than an average publicly educated American. More than 12,000 laid-off UAW workers draw paychecks for not working at all, frittering away their days at so-called “job banks”. Retirement benefits were generous (I say ‘were’ because the auto makers are transferring management of retirement funds to the unions and I expect some inelegant but organized theft). Union retirement packages would make over paid CEOs blush. Union workers receive significant pensions and full health care for retired workers and their families. Union excess adds upwards of $1,500 to the bill for a new buggy.  This has altered the Detroit auto industry ecosystem and made it unsustainable.

The automobile ecosystem/economy changed, but the unions and car makers didn’t. Like dinosaurs in an ice age, both are heading for oblivion. Now the Big Three car makers are stalking congress like starving T-Rex’s chasing rats, weakly scrambling for a piece of the $700B to avoid going bust.

Everything dies eventually. It is Ford, GM and the UAW’s time. Cue the Grim Reaper.

Government intervention in the home mortgage market caused current financial crisis. American automakers are failing because of government market intervention on behalf of unions. Banks, car makers and other institutions beg to be salvaged by government intervention.

Repeat until bankrupt.

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I was amusingly annoyed while being swallowed by a gay surge.

After more than a decade haunting San Francisco, my alleged mind realized that the one interesting neighborhood I had never visited was the Castro district, Gaydom’s epicenter.  I went there today because the area was allegedly colorful place, and I don’t mean the endless collection of rainbow flags fluttering from nearly every vertical post not attached to a human body.  The food in every restaurant is supposedly excellent and the people are happy as well as gay.  Quirky stores supposedly hock more than endless tubes of lube.

What nobody alerted me to was a scheduled mass march against the recently passed Proposition 8, an unconscionable constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage.  As per typical San Francisco scripting, the march would start somewhere downtown, travel up Market Street and wind through the Castro.  As my over-sized pickup truck descended from Twin Peaks (from where you can get a 360^o view of Baghdad by the Bay, I drove headlong into a mobile mob shouting, waving (rainbow) flags and acting deadly serious … for a change.

Halted in my attempt to make a turn and with my windows rolled down, I watched as gays and lesbians swarmed Market Street like a hive of malcontent bees.  Being a writer I was absorbed in study of the varied individuals, their slogans and their state of determined agitation.  Theirs’ was an old fashioned civil rights march without potential lynching (well, if they did marry their partners they might tie a knot that feels like a noose, but my friends — that is matrimony — take your chances).

I looked forward and spied two lesbians who were about to come along my pickup’s port side.  Their expressions were not welcoming.  The more bullish of the dykes, and the one on a collision course with my side view mirror, was especially snarly.  It took me half a second to realize I was being stereotyped.  I had a big pick-up truck, a western shirt and a serious expression on my face as I intently studied the mob. The girls pegged me as an anti-gay-rights-redneck who invaded their home turf.

So I smiled.  Not a big grin which would have looked contrived, but just a half-cocked show of approval about their mission.  I added a little nod of my head which instantly canceled the antagonistic attitude coming at me.  Without words or gestures, she and I simultaneously raised hands and high-fived one another as she walked on past.

A lot of friends and family back home don’t understand why I linger in the Modern Sodom.  The main reason is that there are more odd episodes per minute in this town than anywhere else.  You can never be bored.  Truck drivin’ ex-cowboy slaps hands with activist lesbian during a constitutional protest rally … it could happen somewhere else, but likely won’t.

I wish I could report on the food and people of the Castro, but the place was jammed with humanity.  The resturants were full, the bars overflowing, and I had to settles for a slice of pizza and a short walkabout.  But the weekend is still fresh.  Maybe Sunday will be sedate.

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My gay friends here in San Francisco are in high dudgeons, and rightly so. To misuse a sanitized southern expression, they have been screwed in the pooper chute. Normally such activity would make them happy, but when 5,661,583 people bum poke you against your will … well, is can make a man as irritated as a hemorrhoid.

In California, we vote on everything. It is democracy run amok. Our biannual referenda fests allow us to swing the heavy hand of government to control our neighbors’ behavior and spend ourselves into fiscal extinction. This year a proposition passed that characteristically cast California into the role of a rights-restricted state (seriously, if this joint ever elected a strong leader it would classify as a fascist state).

In this case the election has created a constitutional crisis.

Proposition 8 (or as its homophobic detractors called it, Preparation H) passed and created an amendment to the California State Constitution that prohibits same sex marriage. Since constitutions are the express written will of the people and the highest law in the land, the clauses therein are immutable within the domain. In other words the California Supreme Court has no authority to overturn or rewrite any part of the state constitution in including Prop 8.

What makes this interesting from a constitutional law perspective are the seeming contradictions now with in the amended constitution. Like the national constitution, California’s document declares the people’s equal protection under the law:

A person may not be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law or denied equal protection of the laws;

Some people contend this invalidates the new amendment, but sadly they are wrong. First, constitutions can be self contradictory. The people have the power to create whatever inanities they desire. A court not bent on projecting its biases upon the people would simply respond with we “Well, you didn’t give us the power to overrule you, so you’ll have to change the constitution again.”

California Supreme Court judges are not that honest or intelligent.

More germane is that generalized clauses are preempted by specific exception clauses. Take the constitutional passage above. The general right is that you cannot be deprived of life, liberty or property. The exception clause is that you can be deprived of life, liberty and property but only if due process of law is first exercised (or in the case of the Los Angeles police, at about the same moment). The government can execute you (life) but only if you violated a law for which the penalty is death and after you had your day in court.

The new amendment simply reads “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” This is a specific exception to the general equal protection clause, and thus perfectly legal (as well as perfectly repulsive). An honest court that lives by its oath will uphold the constitutional prerogative and stupidity of 5,661,583 voters.

The only odds of making a wholesale change is in federal court. Preemption is the nature of law. As the specific exception clause preempts the general clause, so do laws in a higher jurisdiction. Pass a city law that conflicts with state law, state law trumps. Pass a state constitutional provision that conflicts with the national constitution and the national writ wins.

The problem for opponents of Prop-8 is that little in the national charter addresses this issue. The U.S. Constitution never mentions marriage, leaving only general protections. The legal definition of marriage has always been a state-level issue. Additionally, marriage is a mechanism of churches and statutes, and thus is not technically a right (except in the generic abstract of all rights belonging to the people). Thus the best defense in the U.S. Constitution is an almost identical “due process” clause, and in that the deprivation of “liberty” provides a flimsy rope for gays to grasp. Likewise the national constitution’s “equal protection of the laws” clause has suspect powers.

It will be tested, however. There is no doubt that the federal courts will at some time be asked to overrule the Proposition 8 clause of the California constitution. It will be filed in the Ninth Circuit (widely known as the Ninth Circus due to their completely inane and oft overturned rulings) and I suspect they will kill the amendment — it is their bias. However, their decision will be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. Odds are the Supremes will hear the case and decide in favor of federalism — the theory being that in the absence of a compelling national government interest, state laws (including state constitutions) are the appropriate jurisdiction for dispute. In short they will once again tell the Ninth Circus Court to mind its own business and stay out of state affairs.

In short, lesbians and gays are screwed.

More troublesome — mechanically speaking — is that a number of California same sex marriages are about to be invalidated. For less than six months California was a state where butt hole surfers and carpet chewers could wed. And wed they did. An estimated 18,000 of them put heteros to shame by their willingness to commit the same stupid mistakes that heteros have made all along.

Welcome to divorce court my friends. You’ll love custody battles the most.

The question is if these marriages are still valid. I’m unclear on the mechanics of constitutional amendments that invalidate what was once legal. In America’s prohibition insanity, the once legal practice of peddling booze was made illegal via a constitutional amendment. Once legal liquor licenses were instantly inoperable, though they may not have been formally invalidated. Yet we have in this nation the legal tradition of “grandfathering”, whereby property once held legally continues to be legal even after such products are banned. Silly states that banned machine guns still let their owners keep the ones they already had.

But a “marriage” is not property — it is merely a legal definition. What the law giveth, the law taketh away.

The question is will anyone challenge the standing marriages. I doubt it. The backlash against Proposition 8’s passage has already induced minor scale violence. Backers of the proposition do not want to create more mayhem before heading to court. And they may never see the value in kicking around people who have already walked the isle.

Lesbians and gays have only one solid alternative — passing yet another proposition that yet again redefines marriage, invalidating Proposition 8. There are several means for doing so, some with political implications. Same sex marriage proponents can do it via an initiative like their foes did. But they know the odds of passage are slim. If 2/3rds of the legislature can be convinced to do so, an amendment can be put before the people. The same problem applies. There is the constitutional convention route, but that is entirely too tricky for comprehension.

Again, gays and lesbians are screwed.

Long ago people wrote songs about California, a place seemingly of vast and open scenery, good vibrations and endless dreams. Now it is merely a place for self-inflicted suffering … and that’s before you figure in the high tax rate. Shame. I hear it was once a good place to live.

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This election will rightly be remembered mainly for Obama taking the presidency. In four years it may well be known for the destruction of the Democrat party.

When the Republicans held the Presidency, House and Senate starting in 2000, they started to systematically destroy their brand. Absolute power creates nearly absolute corruption, stalled only by America’s elaborate set of checks, balances, and the enduring threat of armed insurrection. Now Democrats hold all the cards and every instance of their malfeasance will echo throughout the Internet.

One heart warming thought does come to mind however. Somewhere tonight there is an old and angry Klansman muttering in abject disbelief. That would be Senator Byrd.

Bigots aside, this election should also be remembered for the oddities of the electorate. Irony in the outcomes abound leaving many folks scratching their collective craniums.

We may soon see an Alaskan two-step shuffle that puts Sarah Palin into the ongoing national spotlight. One of Alaska’s senators — an old and corrupt fellow named Ted Stevens — was both convicted and possibly reelected (some absentee ballots are still being counted). Assuming his appeals fail, he likely goes to jail. At very least the Senate will exercise its muscle and boot Stevens from its membership.

Alaska law requires an election for Senatorial replacement to occur within 60-90 days. Governor Palin has sky-high popularity in Alaska and her political capital has not been irrevocably dinged by joining McCain’s campaign. She could run to replace Stevens and win with no real opposition. If this happens she gets four or more years of national experience and exposure. Come 2012 or 2016, she would be the only presidential candidate in modern times to hold a governorship (executive) and a senate (legislative) seat, making her highly qualified. If the Democrats implode as I suspect they will, she stands a chance of becoming the first female President and one that follows the first mulatto president.

That would make Sally Hemmings happy.

Astounding is that California — a state once known for being the essence of personal freedom — constitutionally outlawed same-sex marriage. The deed was done not by the muscle and money of religious zealots, but by the hefty hubris of San Francisco.

First, Gavin Newsom — the city’s mayor and resident drunk — had the bad sense to be video taped threatening the state and nation with gay marriage, saying “like it or not.” Nobody with two or more firing neurons should be scared of gays marrying, but Newsom turned an instance of opportunity homosexual holy matrimony into a campaign cycle of dread. People uncomfortable but tolerant of pending changes were suddenly shocked and scared by Newsom’s screw you attitude.

It didn’t help that he presided over a lesbian wedding where a public school teacher — who incorrectly presumed to provide moral guidance on behalf of all parents — took her first grade class. The combination was potent - Newsom telling people they had to accept it “like it or not” and one of his employees indoctrinating seven year old kids. Borderline homophobes nearly hemorrhaged from the assault on their slow moving sensibilities. Newsom and company tried to push change faster than the general public was willing to allow.

Obama, Pelosi and Reid will do the same.

Californians went further, for the first time defeating most of the bond measures presented. California is swimming in debt, second only to the Federal government and voters finally realized being broke is a Bad Idea™. Alternate fuel vehicles - defeated. Police funding -defeated. Renewable energy - defeated. They also canned initiatives that normally get Californians excited such as decriminalizing drug possession and forcing electricity providers to produce power uneconomically.

California just got weirder. I didn’t think that was possible.

My town of San Francisco surprisingly defeated the defacto legalization of prostitution. Since gold rush days this wide open town has tolerated prostitutes both in and out of elected office. Legalization is a mere formality. However, the proposition as penned — which instructed the city not to police hookers and brothels — made no exceptions for intervention on behalf of involuntary sex workers — slave traded girls. This oversight killed the bill, and rightly so.

Sloppily written legislation is more dangerous well written legislation.

Oddly San Franciscans also defeated a proposal to rename a sewage plant after George Bush. We may be a wide open town populated with self aggrandizing citizens, but at times they show some restraint. But just often enough to surprise you.

Except about the military. San Francisco passed yet another non-binding resolution (we’re famous for our paper protests) to kill the Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp in San Francisco schools. Schools can kidnap kids to attend a gay wedding but won’t tolerate teenagers who want to become military officers.

Make gay love, not war.

The one scene from this election that caused me to pause was Jesse Jackson. Jesse is a charlatan, creep, adulterer, con man and outright fraud with violent tendencies. But when Obama won the election Jesse wept openly. For the walking insult to humanity Jackson is, he was witness to a horrific time and episode in American history. He stood on the same balcony where and when Martin Luther King was assassinated. Jackson was splattered with blood from the rage of racial intolerance. Obama’s election — for all the grief it will bring — was a closing chapter for Jackson … the end to an evil era. I hope Jesse can now let go of his racial hatreds and move on.

Perhaps he can help that Klansman who’s having a heart attack tonight.

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