Cowboy Confessional

The Twilight Zone has firmly embraced world affairs, bucking me harder than any bronc ever did. Just yesterday I dressed-down a dictator, and today I half-heartedly defend one.

Running for third place as the planet’s top lunatic — tightly trailing Osama bin Laden and Dennis Kucinich — is the #2 turban in Al Queda, Ayman al-Zawahri. His megalomania is superseded only by Satan and Hillary Clinton, though the distinction between that last pair is blurry at best.

In Al Qaeda’s continuing defeat we see early signs of desperation. Not only have that backed-off of their campaign in Iraq, and have all but fled Afghanistan, they are now turning on their former allies. When your friends become your enemies, you have no friends left because the few that remain no longer can trust you.

Ayman (which rhymes with hymen for obvious reasons) has proclaimed Lybian madman, dictator and apparent syphilis victim Moammar Gadhafi as an enemy of Islam, and is threatening to shift the defeated Iraq chapter of Al Qaeda to battle in Tripoli. Ayman insists that Gadhafi is a puppet of Washington D.C., just as is Israel, Germany, Australia, Greenpeace and the Vienna Boys Choir. Soon al-Zawahri will believe that Vladimir Putin is George Bush’s bed buddy (my apologies for a truly horrific mental visual on that one).

Perhaps I should not post this blog entry. Napoleon said “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” When Al Qaeda begins to eat their own, first by killing innocent Muslims in Iraq, then by targeting fellow Muslim dictators, they are siding legs akimbo down the razor blade of self-defeat. It won’t be long before Ayman finds fault with Iran, accuses Mahmoud I-Want-Jihad of not hanging his quota of homosexuals, declares war and thus forces Iran to expel Osama himself (anyone who thinks bin Laden is spelunking in Tora Bora missed some major clues).

My only fear is that I cannot quickly enough find a way to help accelerate Al Qaeda’s suicidal process. My horse is constipated, and Ayman’s rotting flesh might make a good fertilizer substitute.

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What is the difference between a petty dictator and a shrew housewife?

None.

Nations have waited in anticipation of the possible resurrection of democracy in Pakistan. Collectively we were pessimists given the current ruler, the indelicacy of returning former leaders, and the instability caused by the failure of Pakistan’s government to find and kill islamofacists lining its northwestern regions.

Yet we had to hold onto frayed shreds of optimism because Pakistan has nukes. Despite our detest for dictators, the thought of working mass annihilation machines landing in the hands of bin Laden or latent Taliban dregs was an intolerable outcome. If such events occurred, western nations would be forced into another preemptive action.

Pervez Musharraf, the current Pakistan dictator, launched his own preemptive strike. Anticipating that the Pakistani Supreme Court would disallow his reelection, Musharraf declared a state of emergency, suspended the constitution, cut off telecommunications in the nations capital, and replaced the chief justice.

Yet the west will allow this, because of the nukes.
There is not much the west would want to do at this juncture. In the Swat district, the Taliban is actively supported (which shows the debilitating psychological effects from a steady diet of curries and religious drivel, both a basis of malnutrition). Musharraf claimed the courts were “working at cross purposes” with his efforts to mop-up resident terrorists, an argument made anemic by the fact that he has had since 9/11 to dent that problem, one for which he only recently started policing operations.

The natural follow-up to martial law is civil rights abuses on elephantine scale. The typical “suspects” will likely be arrested, including intellectuals, lawyers, and anyone who might have run for his office in the next election.

Yet the west will allow this, because of the nukes.

So, why then is Musharraf a shrew housewife? They share several related common traits. They possess a passive/aggressive approach, purporting love and protection in one breath, then taking whatever diabolical methods necessary to preserve their control, power and influence in the next. As long as their world works in accordance to their whims, all is peaceful. But should a husband/child/citizen dare to speak a contridictory opinion, then all forms of manipulation are in their minds justified.

Yet the west will allow this, because of the nukes. We have no real choice.

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