Michael Moore’s plague
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There has never been any love lost between myself and any of the slithery ilk who crave the autocratic power of government (and in my unique world view that lumps together fascists, theocrats, and nuvo liberals). So when Michael Moore, the patron saint of propagandists rises his head from his velvet feeding bag long enough to trumpet, I have to take notice of danger renewed.
Thus it was my grim duty to ingest fresh effluvium by the Fascist from Flint posted in that bastion of journalist jiz, the L.A. Times. In several wasted column inches, Moore makes certain taunts to the political right (who, quite frankly have launched some unsavory assaults on liberty themselves, but who at least know how to spell c-o-n-s-t-i-t-u-t-i-o-n without emphasizing “con”), making promises on behalf of liberals everywhere.
(Yes, Virgina. His ego is as wide as his girth. Call your liberal friends and ask if Moore speaks for them … you will hear nothing on the other end of the phone aside from panicked shrieks.)
Aside from paternalistic promises to balance our checkbooks for us (call me Mike … I’ll send my bank account number so you can make a direct deposit), one-size-fits-all health insurance, and a miraculous sudden end to global warming (a process that Mother Nature has been working on for about 20,000 years now), he makes the disingenuous pledge that liberals will ” … not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren’t much of a hunter …”
Michael, after the new dosage takes effect, let’s get you back up to speed on the debate. I realize your mind remains clouded after spinning some might strange tales in your films, but few citizens are very worried that you or any other liberal are immediately targeting hunting gear. And since you live under the irrational notion that hunters use machine guns (which is what an automatic firearm is), or that they don’t use handguns (which many hunters do because it is more difficult) your detachment from reality merely scares small children.
Understand Michael, that many powerful and well known liberals have threatened banning firearms more numerous and of practical value than hunting rifles. Surely even your alleged fact checkers have made friends with the likes of:
Bill Clinton: “Only the police should have handguns.”
Dianne Feinstein: “If I could have gotten 51 votes in the Senate of the United States for an outright ban, picking up every one of them: ‘Mr. and Mrs. America, turn ‘em all in,’ I would have done it.”
Pete Stark: “If a bill to ban handguns came to the house floor, I would vote for it.”
V.I. Lenin: “One man with a gun can control 100 without one. … Make mass searches and hold executions for found arms,”
Michael, the issue has never been about hunting rifles. It is about a woman huddled in her home, ready to confront the alcoholic estranged husband breaking down the back door. It is about the poor black family struggling to stay alive and keep their children safe in a neighborhood where thugs roam free unrestrained by government. It is the Iraqi immigrant standing strong against a Klan cavalcade.
Most importantly Michael, it is me ready to defend all civil rights against the likes of you. Tell me which guns you want to ban Michael, and I’ll tell you how many rounds with which I have to defend my right to keep those guns when you come for them.
That is my promise.
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